


libre comme l'air

by groundkei



Series: HQ Angst Week 2020 [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Break Up, Hurt, M/M, Phone Call, Sad, time skip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 09:29:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27348931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/groundkei/pseuds/groundkei
Summary: “Asahi-san,” Nishinoya closes his eyes, the first drops of tears falling across his pale cheeks. There is a hint of desperation lacing his voice, a pleading tone of some sort. It hurts. Why does it have to hurt this much? “If you love me, you would let me go...” he whispers, opening his eyes to meet his lover’s pained ones. “This is my dream, remember? This is what would make me happy...”“Leaving me?” Asahi breathes out.“Being free...” Nishinoya tells him. “Being free and traveling the world. You’ve always known that, right?”“Without me?” Asahi bites down on his lower lip. “Being free means being without me, is that it?”
Relationships: Azumane Asahi & Nishinoya Yuu
Series: HQ Angst Week 2020 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1997266
Kudos: 10
Collections: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020





	libre comme l'air

**Author's Note:**

> Haikyuu Angst Week Day 2  
> Prompt: Phone call
> 
> twt: @katsukeii  
> enjoy!!

**2017**

The air in France is cold and unrelenting, a murmur against his ears that seemed to burn his skin, his cheeks red against the sunlight filtering through the thin curtains in his small studio apartment at the very heart of the city. The Eiffel Tower stands tall and proud from outside his window, the skies barely reaching out their fingertips to touch the crown of the famous landmark. Nishinoya exhales through his nose, watching as the sky reflects against the city in blue and white, the clouds looming over their heads moving languidly against the wind above their heads. Carefree and gentle, they whispered past each other in hushed tones, passing by in complete solitude as Paris remains on its feet. They day is warm and bright, but Nishinoya can only feel the roughness of the morning breeze.

_“Noya…”_

Nishinoya tilts his head to the side, one eyebrow raising as he sensed a hint of hesitation from Tanaka’s voice from the other line. Someone sighed, familiar and somehow yearning, and Nishinoya purses his lips, gaze turning indignant.

_“When are you coming back?”_

Nishinoya walks over to his apartment’s balcony, phone still pressed against his cheek as he watches the busy streets of Paris from his place. “Why?” he asks, voice somehow quieter than usual. He hears a familiar voice in the background, masking Tanaka’s murmurs as he waits for a response. “Are you with someone right now, Ryuu?”

_“Huh?”_ Tanaka stammers. Nishinoya quietly listens to the shuffling of feet from the other line, eyes casted over the fleeting figures of people rushing through the busy streets from down below. Mornings in Paris remind him of nothing as compared to Miyagi’s quiet fields and mountains. The city in which he stays in now seems to be a whole different world; nothing compared to how it is back home — of the sunrises and sunsets that covers the entirety of his being, gold and warm and blinding.

“Are you with someone right now?” Nishinoya repeats as he leans forward against the railings of his balcony. “Are you with Asahi-san?”

A sigh. Nishinoya hears the same familiar voice whispering now. _“Noya,”_ Tanaka calls again from the other line. _“Please come home. We miss you, you know?”_

A timid smile fleets over to his lips. “Ryuu, you know that I can’t, right?”

_“What do you mean you can’t, No_ _ya? This is your home!”_

Nishinoya bites down on his lower lip. “I-I...” he stammers, blankly staring at the horizon from a distance. Something in him breaks – a fragment of his soul, perhaps. Another piece down the drain, falling into the hands of grief he so desperately tries to escape. “I can’t go home. At least, not now.”

_“It’s been years, Noya!”_

“Ryuu, please.”

Nishinoya closes his eyes, voice pleading as he speaks to his phone in a tone he’s never used before. He hates it – hates how he still sounded desperate over something that had occurred years prior to him escaping Japan with a heavy heart. He wonders, unwillingly, if Asahi had finally come to a realization that this is what he wants – to be a free soul and nothing more.

“You know I still can’t,” he sighs heavily. Tanaka has grown quiet now, his breathing shallow from the other line. Nishinoya listens carefully, pressing his phone harder against his cheek as he tries to make out the faintest sounds of somebody else letting out a heavy sigh in the background. “I’m not yet ready.”

_“When will you be ready, then?”_ Tanaka asks. _“When we’re all gone?”_

Nishinoya shakes his head. “I’m sorry, Ryuu.”

Sighing, he ends the call just as quickly as it had started. Home. The word itself seems to be unfamiliar now; a mere stranger still caught up in the past. Where exactly is home for him?

He leans against the railings of his balcony once again and gazes quietly at the streets, admiring the landscapes of the old city trapped in the modern day, a replica of what used to be of it in the past. He’s never been fond of history before, but being surrounded by old infrastructures in the heart of Paris makes his heart weep with unidentifiable sorrow. It’s ironic, really, to be in the city of love without a lover.

_Asahi would have loved it here._

He frowns at the thought, remembering his almost forgotten lover in a blur. They could have been here together, gazing upon the quiet scenery of France, the sight of the infamous Eiffel Tower accompanying them through their nights. If only they weren’t too stubnorn to begin with, the maybe they would have gotten the chance to stand together today.

_Perhaps, if we were not too selfish, then maybe we would gotten our chance._

* * *

_Asahi loves Nishinoya too much to let him go._

_“Asahi-san, please,” Nishinoya pleads as he desperately tries to remove Asahi’s arms around his waist, the latter refusing to let go as he buries his face into the crook of his lover’s neck. “Let me go.”_

_“No,” Asahi lifts his head, eyes red-rimmed and indignant as he stares back at Nishinoya’s pleading gaze.”Noya, you can’t do this. Please.”_

_Nishinoya finally manages to remove his lover’s arms around him and takes a step back. He can see the grief falling over Asahi’s eyes in nothing but unrelenting waves as he continues to move away from him. Are there no other choices for them?_

_“You can’t leave me,” Asahi shakes his head, a few strands of his hair falling over his eyes gently, touching the tips of his eyelashes as he blinks away his tears. “You can’t leave me, Noya. You said you love me, right? You can’t leave me.”_

_“Don’t say that,” Nishinoya’s voice breaks painfully, and no matter how hard he tries to swallow back the lump lodged in between his throat, he still cannot seem to get rid of the weight resting at the pit of his stomach. It hurts too much. “Please don’t say that. You know I’ll always love you o matter what, Asahi-san...”_

_“You wouldn’t be leaving me if you truly do love me, Noya!”_

_Nishinoya runs a hand through his hair. He shakes his head at him. “Don’t be like that...”_

_“Then, don't leave me!”_

_“Asahi-san,” Nishinoya closes his eyes, the first drops of tears falling across his pale cheeks. There is a hint of desperation lacing his voice, a pleading tone of some sort. It hurts. Why does it have to hurt this much? “If you love me, you would let me go...” he whispers, opening his eyes to meet his lover’s pained ones. “This is my dream, remember? This is what would make me happy...”_

_“Leaving me?” Asahi breathes out._

_“Being free...” Nishinoya tells him. “Being free and traveling the world. You’ve always known that, right?”_

_“Without me?” Asahi bites down on his lower lip. “Being free means being without me, is that it?”_

_“Asahi-san-“_

_“No,” Asahi starts to shake his head. Nishinoya lowers his gaze onto his lover’s hands and sees him removing their promise ring. “This is what you want, right? To be free? Even if it would cost you everything we have.”_

_Asahi grabs Nishinoya’s small hand, still as gentle as ever against his fingertips, and Nishinoya watches as his lover places their promise ring against his palm, the silver band glinting under the dim light. Being free, what does it really mean to him?_

_“If this is what will make you happy, then...” Asahis lips start to tremble. Nishinoya continues to stare at the ring resting on top of his palm. “Then, I will gladly let you go.”_

Nishinoya wakes up with a jolt reverberating through his limbs, his legs shivering from the cold despite being covered by his thick blankets. He turns to his nightstand, groaning as he reaches out for his buzzing phone, the remnants of his dream still drumming through his system like an earthquake. Without looking at the caller ID, he accepts the call and presses his phone against his cheek, vision still bleary from sleep.

_“Noya...”_

Nishinoya visibly freezes on his bed, his muscles going rigid at the familiar voice whispering against his ear. This voice, deep and quiet, yet still soft at the sides, he knows it very well. He’s heard this voice countless of times before – he has long since memorized the way this voice would always sound like, how each syllable would roll off against his tongue carefully as if every letter is calculated; how this voice would always stay quiet amidst the chaos, unheard of by many, but he still hears it despite the tremors. This voice has once been his home.

_“Please come back home...”_ Asahi sobs from the other line, his voice a bit slurred and unclear. Nishinoya bites down on his lower lip ad stares at the ceiling, his eyes wide and glistening under the dark. _“Please, come back home. I’m so sorry. Please. Please, just come back home to me, Noya.”_

Nishinoya covers his eyes with his free hand, his arm resting over his face to cover his sight. He stays rooted to his spot, the Paris air slithering past the small space from the window left unlocked and caressing his skin fervently under the sheets. It’s not as comforting as he makes it out to be.

_“I love you, Noya,”_ Asahi sobs from the other line. Nishinoya lets out a shaky breath, his hands shaking from the cold – perhaps even from his past lover’s voice. _“Please don’t leave me. Please come back to me...”_

Nishinoya falls asleep to Asahi’s sobs echoing through his phone.

When he wakes up the next day, Paris doesn’t feel like home anymore. It never did.


End file.
